You are walking around town; a smug, arrogant, know-it-all, with a constant sneer on your face because you are the man, husband, boss who no one can dare question or stand up to. Everyone jumps to your beck and call, and you can swat away with a dismissive wave anyone who doesn’t hold up to your lofty standards.
Then you return home one Wednesday afternoon, only to open your front door and find your wife on the living room couch, in ecstatic flagrante delicto with the gardener you have never respected and whose name you’ve never even bothered to ask after.
When you come to, you finally take a closer look at the apple of your eye (forgive the pun when you eventually understand it), your 2-year-old son, and recognize the uncanny resemblance to the same gardener.
In a knee-jerk panic, you raise the alarm, retching in disgust and anger. The neighbors show up in force, listen to your entreaties, but then wonder aloud how you could have been so stupid not to notice what they all knew all along; namely that the gardener has been the man in your house for some years.
That is what is going on with the homophobic Ugandans right now; they are walking around in a catatonic stupor after the revelation that their favorite smart phone maker, Apple’s Tim Cook, is gay!
The confusion in Uganda is palpable. Should they now hand back their i Pads and iPods, throw them into the lake, trample them underfoot? Should they pretend that they haven’t heard the news that has cast a sobering light on their foolishness? Should they shoot the messenger?
At the best of times, Ugandans are dreadful at thinking for themselves. Given this bombshell from Silicon Valley, delivered on their Apple handsets, they have chosen a combination of all the above – confirming their moral cowardice and lack of humility.
Like the bombastic husband who has finally confirmed that he is not really “all that,” Ugandans are going to try to bluster their way out of their acute humiliation. Everyone is stupid and only us Ugandans know about morality.
But that giant suction sound you heard as they made a collective gasp to Tim Cook’s announcement has taken the wind out of their sails, literally and figuratively.
Now, any Ugandan who wants to claim that homosexuality is abhorrent has to hand in his smart phone first. And then they have to return their designer apparel, their fancy cars, their coveted music as well as their schooling.
After all, what evidence do they have that all the material and non-material things they cherish, their very existence in fact, haven’t all been provided with a lot of help from homosexual geniuses like Tim Cook?