Kenny Brandmuse!!

Once in a while you come across a person who speaks to you in ways that no one has.

A couple of days ago I discovered that person. As a matter of fact I have followed him on Facebook for some months, through the recommendation of a dear friend, but it was only a couple of days ago that I actually “read” him. It quickly became clear that I should have done so much sooner as this Nigerian man speaks a language most African gay men will identify with.

It would thus be a terrible shame not share him as widely as possible.

Kenny Brandmuse (Kehinde Bademosi) growing older and wiser over the years

Kenny Brandmuse (Kehinde Bademosi) growing older and wiser over the years

That person is a Nigerian man called Kenny Brandmuse. His real name is Kehinde Bademosi, and I am guessing (I haven’t read up on him that far back to be sure) that Kenny Brandmuse is an adulteration of his Nigerian name by someone in the West who was too lazy to learn to pronounce the Nigerian version correctly.

Anyhow here is an excerpt (with permission from Brandmuse) on how he got married to a woman despite knowing he was gay, despite his wife-to-be knowing that he had feelings for men, and despite even the marriage counselors knowing that he was physically and emotionally attracted to men. They all thought they could work miracles and make the feelings go away.

Money quote:

One of those pre-marriage days, while we were with our marriage counseling team, I brought up the issue again – that I had always had a preference for men. I wanted the Ministers to dissuade her from the marriage. I just couldn’t put a ring on a fat big lie. My father taught me one principle: DIE FOR YOUR OWN TRUTH, EVEN IF IT’S UNPOPULAR, BUT DON’T HARM OTHERS WITH IT. She was so happy to tell the ministers, as quickly as she could, that my feelings for men would all be gone, because she believed it was a childhood disorder. I guess she meant she was going to fck my brains into heterosexuality. This is a mistake a lot of us make. We all want to change people to conform to our preferences. We find it easier to play god in the lives of people we did not make. 

It’s insightful reading which reveals the convulsions gay men go through as they attempt to marry away their homosexuality. If you are about to get married, or have already embarked on the road, read the article.

Mr. Bademosi has plenty of wisdom he shares on his Facebook page. Though it requires a bit of scrolling back, it is definitely worth the time.

I am so glad I finally started “reading” you Mr. Bademosi.

Apple’s Tim Cook lands a crushing blow 2

Imagine this:

You are walking around town; a smug, arrogant, know-it-all, with a constant sneer on your face because you are the man, husband, boss who no one can dare question or stand up to. Everyone jumps to your beck and call, and you can swat away with a dismissive wave anyone who doesn’t hold up to your lofty standards.

Knowing grin? Apple's Tim Cook

Knowing grin? Apple’s Tim Cook

Then you return home one Wednesday afternoon, only to open your front door and find your wife on the living room couch, in ecstatic  flagrante delicto with the gardener you have never respected and whose name you’ve never even bothered to ask after.

Shock, horror?

When you come to, you finally take a closer look at the apple of your eye (forgive the pun when you eventually understand it), your 2-year-old son, and recognize the uncanny resemblance to the same gardener.

In a knee-jerk panic, you raise the alarm, retching in disgust and anger. The neighbors show up in force, listen to your entreaties, but then wonder aloud how you could have been so stupid not to notice what they all knew all along; namely that the gardener has been the man in your house for some years.

Apoplectic Ugandan responses to Apple's Sam Cook coming out

Apoplectic Ugandan responses to Apple’s Tim Cook coming out

That is what is going on with the homophobic Ugandans right now; they are walking around in a catatonic stupor after the revelation that their favorite smart phone maker, Apple’s Tim Cook, is gay!

The confusion in Uganda is palpable. Should they now hand back their i Pads and iPods, throw them into the lake, trample them underfoot? Should they pretend that they haven’t heard the news that has cast a sobering light on their foolishness? Should they shoot the messenger?

Ugandan MP playing solitaire on his iPad during a committee session

Ugandan MP playing solitaire on his iPad during a committee session

At the best of times, Ugandans are dreadful at thinking for themselves. Given this bombshell from Silicon Valley, delivered on their Apple handsets, they have chosen a combination of all the above – confirming their moral cowardice and lack of humility.

Like the bombastic husband who has finally confirmed that he is not really “all that,” Ugandans are going to try to bluster their way out of their acute humiliation. Everyone is stupid and only us Ugandans know about morality.

But that giant suction sound you heard as they made a collective gasp to Tim Cook’s announcement has taken the wind out of their sails, literally and figuratively.

Now, any Ugandan who wants to claim that homosexuality is abhorrent has to hand in his smart phone first. And then they have to return their designer apparel, their fancy cars, their coveted music as well as their schooling.

After all, what evidence do they have that all the material and non-material things they cherish, their very existence in fact, haven’t all been provided with a lot of help from homosexual geniuses like Tim Cook?


Homophobic Miller fans are wiping egg off their faces 2

Wentworth Miller: Not mine, but not theirs either. Ha!

Wentworth Miller: Not mine, but not theirs either. Ha!

There has been a highly fortunate death in the heterosexual male and female fraternity all over Africa and much of the rest of the undiscerning world.

Wentworth Miller of Prison Break fame is gay and not available to all the women who have been getting off on his magnetic (and very manly) good looks.

“OH MY GOD this is such hard news!!! “I’m shell shocked… speechless… I guess I always had a feeling but NEVER wanted it to b e true as a fan… MAN, why did he have to do this to us? He could have gone ahead with his life without making it public. I feel betrayed:( I know I have no right over him but just… *beep*!!! Please say something to make me feel better! I’m literally depressed now!

Just think of it as running for the bus, with hair flying, frantically screaming for the driver to wait, and then it pulls out and leaves just as you get to the bus’ door. That sheepish, embarrassed look as you glance around to see if anyone has noticed your craven exercise in futility is what you have in the Ugandan audience who didn’t know Miller was gay. They loved him and now they know they look foolish for they fawned over him while they were also saying homophobic things about gays in general.

It’s the kind of ‘oops’ moment that one would love to gleefully run away with but yours truly is too classy for that sort of gloating.

Sadly for them, they can’t have me either. Call it a double whammy – losing out on Miller and then not being able to have the best thing alive this side of creation in sub-Saharan Africa.

Not one to revel in other people’s misfortunes, I want to point all those homophobic straight men that looked up to Miller’s machismo and the straight women whose juices must have now dried up to a useful Liberace quotation that should surely help:

You can have either the Resurrection or you can have Liberace. But you can’t have both.

Since you can’t have me or Wentworth Miller …  Resurrection anyone?

Gay, but sadly already spoken for: Kevin Grayson 6

Kevin Grayson (right) and boyfriend

Kevin Grayson (right) and ‘friend’

I think it is in the water.

Yet another gay sportsman who looks like, if not better than, other sportsmen you have seen is out of the closet. This time it is Kevin Grayson (25) . Grayson, following in the footstep of Jason Collins, came out as gay a couple of days ago.

At the rate they are coming out, we might run out of room to put them in. And that will be a fantastic thing because then they will have to spill over into the public arena.

Disclaimer (5/25/13):  I have no evidence that the man in the picture with Kevin Grayson is his boyfriend. Indeed confirmation seems to be that they are just friends.

I’m getting Jason Collined out! 2

When the announcement came that Jason Collins was/is gay, it was absolutely welcome news from where I was sitting. So, I read his coming out story in Sports Illustrated and raised a glass to wish him well in the basketball career that he wants to continue with.

But now I am wondering about whether I haven’t heard enough. He is apparently giving all sorts of interviews, speaking to every celebrity and their house help, will go on Oprah with his “family” and … and … and …

While I see all the benefits of Collins coming out, albeit in the twilight of his career, I am beginning to wonder whether he is well advised to turn his coming out story into a ring circus.

Overkill? Jason Collins

Overkill? Jason Collins

Yes, finally having a 7ft, 255lbs sportsman who’s been in the game for 12 years come out as gay is groundbreaking, historical stuff. But unless Jason Collins himself looks at it as an event that must quickly reach its dénouement, he runs the risk of making it look as though the coming out is more important than his sports prowess.

Yet, in my view, the real story is that a gay man is standing before us saying to the world that there is really no physical difference between a good gay athlete and a straight one. End of story, game-set-and-and-match.

So, I am going to presume and tell Jason Collins what to do.

Jason dear:

You have made history in America. You have opened the gates I am sure for many long-suffering gay athletes. You have proved to doubters that there is really nothing to fear from a gay athlete who might be playing at the highest levels of basketball or any other sports for that matter. You have shed the yolk of silence and lies about your sexuality that might have otherwise choked you. You have blazed the trail and long may you live to enjoy the fruits of your decision to come out.

Now, hunker down, focus on finding a team that will have you as a gay man and continue playing the best basketball you can. Remember that your work isn’t done yet; indeed your work as a gay athlete of some renown is just beginning.

If you can talk to Oprah tomorrow, you can talk to her next month or even next year. Same with all the clamoring journalists who likely had never heard of you ten days ago but are now writing about you as though they were/are you other twin.

You have made the point, Jason Collins. Go away, keep to yourself and your real loved ones and focus on your future and what you want to do with it. Otherwise, the more you talk to the press, the more you will create the impression that your homosexuality and coming out is a bigger story than the fact that you have made it to the highest levels of a professional sports known for its physicality and machismo and made a reasonable impression – as a gay man.

There is really nothing more to say about your sexuality or decision to come out, Jason. Not to Oprah, not to Michelle Obama and certainly not to the fawning press.

Move on.

Gay sportsmen look like any other sportsmen you have seen 3

What does a 7ft, 255lb (116kg) gay basketball player look like?

NBA's Jason Collins come out

NBA’s Jason Collins come out

Jason Collins has tried to answer the question. No, he has answered the question: just like any other basketball player. Check out his beautiful coming-out story in Sports Illustrated.

In circumstances like these, one’s opinions are rarely apt. Suffice it to say that Collins’ own words say it best. Money quote:

Imagine you’re in the oven, baking. Some of us know and accept our sexuality right away and some need more time to cook. I should know — I baked for 33 years.

When I was younger I dated women. I even got engaged. I thought I had to live a certain way. I thought I needed to marry a woman and raise kids with her. I kept telling myself the sky was red, but I always knew it was blue.

If you are going to eat a frog … 7

Kerry Rhodes' Beyonce wannabe has outed him to the press

Kerry Rhodes’ Beyonce wannabe has outed him to the press

I first posted this in 2010 (from another website) and it has become relevant again recently, thanks to an American football player’s unfortunate choice of male companion. Kerry Rhodes’ current gay travails are splashed over and he needs to just come to terms with his situation now that his date of yonder times has made decisions for him.

It just goes to remind you that if you sleep with below stairs riff-raff, they go to the press. I can’t for the life of me understand why Rhodes went for this classless, skinny, twerp (see Skinny Bitch below).  In my day we … oh, never mind ….
Just remember … if you are going to eat a frog, at least choose a fat, juicy one.
After reading “A Handy Guide to All Gay Men” by Brian Moylan over at Gawker, what stood out to me (obviously) was that I don’t know many Black men like this. Any one of these archetypes can apply to my Black gay brethren, but by and large, in my experience, they do not. So some mischievous friends and I decided to compose a more colorful equivalent to Moylan’s classifications. Your education begins now.
8 Gay Men You Will Meet in Your Lifetime
The Skinny Bitch
Skinny Bitch

This strain of Black gay is typically very young (”green”) but quickly rises in popularity in his newfound social circle because of his youth, pliability and quick mastery of shade. His goal is to accrue as many enemies as possible since he’s convinced that having enough people that despise him means he’s “doing something right.” He will spend an entire month’s salary on designer sunglasses because he considers them social currency.
Activities: “Walking”, throwing shade, wearing eyeliner, being penetrated, hogging the camera, starting arguments with strangers, making youtube videos, going to the mall.
Diva of Choice: Beyonce or Rihanna (there is no in-between)
Top or Bottom: Bottom.
The Homo Thug
Homo thug

The Homo Thug’s days are numbered since this is a group that usually patterns itself after trends in Hip-Hop, and the thug image is slowly fading. However, this image is still a selling point in gay porn and a popular refuge for closeted men. He usually has archaic notions about Black male sexuality and equates “thug” with masculinity. He is disrespectful, self-hating, and needs to pull his pants up.
Activities: Hiding, lying, saying “I don’t do that gay shit”, smoking weed, being ignorant, having kids, having a limited vocabulary, not returning calls, breaking hearts.
Diva of Choice: Lil’ Wayne
Top or Bottom: Outdoor Top/Indoor Bottom
 The Big Boy
The Big Boy
These teddy bears are sweet, loving, warm and always horny. The lines between a good meal and good sex are often so blurred that any conversation involving “meat” will simply have to be taken in stride. He is way more confident than you think he has a right to be, always has a date (because he looks “healthy”), he’s funny, and will give you anything in the world as long as you are consistently fucking his brains out.
Activities: Calling skinny bitches “skinny bitches”, cooking, hugging, making inappropriate double entendres, grabbing.
Diva of Choice: Jennifer Hudson
Top or Bottom: Bottom.
The Muscle Queen
The Muscle Queen (Butch Queen/Muscle Mary)

They roll in packs and only date each other. You never see them during the winter months because they are in the gym 24/7. Come summer, he’s wearing the smallest tank-top or the tightest t-shirt. Don’t bother lusting after him, because you do not exist in his world.
Activities: Making fun of fat people, lifting weights, talking about lifting weights, accusing skinny people of being sick, dating white guys, bumping into people, being penetrated.
Diva of Choice: Creatine.
Top or Bottom: Power Bottom.
The Church Queen
The Church Queen

In spite of the Black church’s reputation for homophobia and intolerance, you will find that a number of Black gay men make the church the cornerstone of their social interaction, perhaps out of a sense of familial or religious obligation, or simply because the choir is so fierce. The Church Queen is usually loyal and loving, but is prone to Tourette-like outbursts of “Jee-suss!!” in any given situation. He listens to gospel music constantly and considers Loretta Divine his spirit animal.
Activities: Cooking, talking loud, clutching his pearls, singing, being called “mother”, being single, speaking with a southern twang even though he’s from the midwest or the northeast.
Diva of Choice: Karen Clark Sheard
Top or Bottom: Sanctified Bottom.
The Uppity Snob
Uppity Snob

He is educated, has a six-figure salary, a nice car and a big house, but nothing is good enough for him. He will throw dinner parties with his Coven Of The Articulate and they will all wear hard-soled shoes regardless of the season, time of day or theme. When he’s among other types of gays, he will roll his eyes, sneer, or attempt to oppress them intellectually. In spite of all his accomplishments, he’ll never be happy, can’t take a joke and never laughs. He can usually be found in the club wearing a blazer and sipping a cocktail against the wall.

Activities: Debating, sighing, having a small penis, having furniture delivered, going to the spa, being offended, finding excuses to use any word that requires a schwa.
Diva of Choice: Whitney Houston
Top or Bottom: Bottom.
The Alterna-Queen
Alterna Queen
He doesn’t like the “gay scene” because he finds it “too mainstream.” You can find him a coffee shop with his MacBook Pro listening to underground Soul or Hip-Hop, writing poetry and waiting for someone with whom he can debate the oppression of goats and librarians. He often accuses people of “not getting” him and reactively dislikes anything that everyone else likes. He’s basically “The Uppity Snob” but with dreadlocks.
Activities: Poetry slams, debating, having his locks re-twisted, blogging, shopping at outdoor markets, calling himself a photographer, quoting Marcus Garvey, dating white men.
Diva of Choice: Some bitch you never heard of.
Top or Bottom: Top for white guys, otherwise bottom.
The Old Queen
The Old Queen
The Old Queen has seen everything and done everyone. He thinks you’re frivolous and that you stole everything from his generation. He will say things like “in my day, the men were men” and “remember when House music was House music?” He is short of patience and doesn’t want to hear your whining.
Activities: Knowing everything. Remembering everything.
Diva of Choice: Stephanie Mills, Teena Marie, Chaka Khan or Luther Vandross.
Top or Bottom: Like it even matters.

A tale of a self-outed and an ignorant football player

One ex-football player Kwame Harris, exposed his homosexuality over a plate of rice. The other, current football players Chris Culliver, exposed his  lack of education over … I am not sure what.

Ex NFL player (Kwame Harris) & current player (Chris Culliver)

Ex NFL player (Kwame Harris) & current player (Chris Culliver)

Kwame Harris’ homosexuality came out in a way that he can’t have really wanted or appreciated but, hey, stuff happens. He must be wondering why he and his ex-boyfriend didn’t simply order another plate of rice (the dispute that ended up outing Kwame Harris happened over soy sauce poured on a plate of rice) but one suspects that he is also relieved his gay secret it out. The truth tends to set you free.

Now, as for big-toothed but empty-mind Chris Culliver, he must be wondering how he arrived in 2013 without really getting an education. The time he spent in tattoo parlors could have been better spent learning something about humanity.

Culliver’s team has rapped his knuckles for his ignorant comments – he is already playing with homosexual players he doesn’t know even by his own reasoning,  so for him to suppose that gay players are roaming the locker room waiting to see him naked is dumb – and I can assure you he will be issuing clarifications left, right and center before the weekend is out.

Unfortunately for poor Chris Culliver, his San Francisco 49ers will still not win the Super Bowl.

Go Baltimore, go!

A lot of gay young men are feeling Manti Te’o’s pain 2

Harboring a secret: Manti Te'o

Harboring a secret: Manti Te’o

Check out this rather odd story about a college American football player called Manti Te’o. I chose to go with the BBC version because, to me, it hints best at the elephant in the room that most American media are not mentioning.

Let yours truly cut to the chase here.

Manti Te’o in collusion with or with the tacit nod from some officials from his college made up a phantom online girlfriend, Lennay Kekua, likely to keep prying eyes and minds at bay about his sexuality.

For an inexplicable reason, Te’o gave the girlfriend leukemia and announced that she was dead, thus ending the 3-year “relationship.” Then a nosy press man checked and found out that the girlfriend had never existed and it was all a hoax.

Why would a college student go to such lengths?

I did what most thinking people would do: put myself in Te’o’s place.

Te'o's lover? Ronaiah Tuiasosop0o helped perpetrate the fraud.

Te’o’s lover? Ronaiah Tuiasosop0o helped perpetrate the fraud.

The only conclusion I can come up with for this elaborate hoax (I don’t believe it that no Notre Dame official  knew about the deception in the three years it happened) is that Te’o had a secret that required him to make up a make-believe internet girlfriend.

My small brain comes up with just one plausible explanation. Te’o knew he was gay and decided on the hoax to try and keep it a secret. He was able to “truly” grieve at her  “death” because he was really crying about the pain he felt that he had to go to such ludicrous lengths to maintain his dark secret.

The ruse is extremely old and many a young man, including yours truly, has used it for exactly the reasons Te’o must have done: to fit in as well as hide his dark secret. What makes it noteworthy at all is that Te’o is still see-sawing  from admitting he made it all up to saying that it was really true, Kekua existed.

Te’o dear. It’s over. The secret is out. I don’t know what kind of reception you will get from your teammates on whatever professional football team you end up on, but it’s now best to come clean and let the chips fall where they may. You are still young so you have your best life ahead of you. Make sure you enjoy it – living as truthfully as you can.

Good luck with your newly found worldwide fame.

Jodie Foster beats me to it! 2

The only surprise there was/is about Jodie Foster coming out over the weekend is that anyone who pays attention to such things is surprised. Yours truly knew Jodie Foster was one of our own many years ago. It didn’t matter one bit because, goodness, in her heyday she was untouchable as an actress.

You might not know it but Foster won two Oscars for the Accused (1988) and Silence of the Lambs (1991). The two movies couldn’t have been more different, showing Foster’s breadth of acting ability. Her Oscar wins also put her in a stellar class of acting icons … think crème de la crème actresses such as Catherine Hepburn and Meryl Streep. For one, only those two have won more Oscars than Foster though, it should be admitted, the incomparable Hepburn and Streep have an infinitely greater body of work.

Which brings me to why any of this matters at all: me.

All these celebrities beating me to the punch with their rambling coming out pronouncements have to stop!

I want to make a coming out announcement. There is just one snag though. I promised myself that I would first save the world from poverty and hunger, pen a Pulitzer and Nobel Prize rattling publication, all by the tender age of 40. I have three years (or is two? I get confused about numbers sometimes) to go and I don’t seem even half-way towards achieving my lifelong ambitions.

I must thus solicit ideas on how to motivate myself to achieve my tripartite dreams so that I can tell the world what they surely don’t know already about my sexuality.

Answers on a postcard please.