Europe’s Comeuppance Reply

This is going to be short and brutal.

If you are American, French, or a European horrified about the 150 killings in France last night, here are some interesting anecdotes your “civilized” taxes are responsible for:

Palestine: at least 10,000 killed by Israel in the last 15 years alone, more than 25,000 homes demolished since 1967 – all of it funded by the American taxpayers of course.

Beirut, a couple of days ago: 43 killed a couple of days ago. Barely a murmur from anywhere in the “civilized” world.

Iraq: more than 500,000 dead. Millions displaced, all thanks to the direct actions of an American president, George W. Bush, who unilaterally invaded a country that hadn’t attacked his own, concocting evidence along the way to trawl in the “civilized” European faithful.

ISIS; a foreseeable albeit unintended result of George W. Bush’s actions in Iraq. Thousands killed and still counting, millions displaced. Europe in support with, lately, Russia joining the mêlée.

Dear “civilized” Western world:

These Jihadist guys are responding to you the only way their history and mindsets tell them to. If you didn’t know this when you moved in to show them how to adopt your style of “civilized” governance, now you do.

You can stop trying to run their business and let them get on with however they wish to rule themselves up to and including killing themselves en mass, or you can continue meddling and they bring the battle to your doorstep as is their instinct. You have clear evidence of the results of both options.

And while you are at it civilized people of Western Europe, tear up the Schengen Agreement if your choice is to continue meddling in the Middle East. It was a Utopian ideal of open, unfettered, borders that only made sense when you were minding your own business, and were not taking in desperate foreigners fleeing wars you helped start. Right now, it just makes you all look naïve and, dare one say it, foolish.

More progress in Uganda: MSM acknowledged in MARPS program 1

Fresh from a resoundingly positive legal message for the LGBTI in Uganda, when a Magistrate differentiated between gay rape (criminal) and consensual gay sex (not criminal), there  is yet more good news, this time on health care.

The Government of Uganda has agreed to continue supporting a pilot health program for Most at Risk Populations (MARPS) in mainstream hospitals. MARPS include men who have sex with men (MSM), fishing communities, boda boda (itinerant motorbike) riders, truckers and sex workers.

No, they might not do a perfect job initially, but that’s beside the point at this juncture; acknowledging that MSM are part of society and deserve to be cared for by the government under the MARPS program is.

Money quote from the Observer’s report:

“So, key populations will not be left out as it has been in the past,” Musinguzi [manager of the Aids Control Programme (ACP) in the Ministry of Health] said last week while presiding at a function organised by Community Health Alliance of Uganda (CHAU), which implemented the Danida-funded MARPs pilot project. “They [MARPs] are people like us and they should get services without discrimination,” Musinguzi said in closing remarks at the function held on September 4 at Fairway hotel in Kampala.

This is turning out to be a rather good week for gestures towards the gay community in Uganda, isn’t it?

Now for the real work of ensuring that the government lives up to its commitment and actually doesn’t discriminate against MARPS.

Ugandan judge makes distinction between forceful and consensual sodomy 10

The Ugandan judiciary continues to pleasantly surprise.

In a groundbreaking ruling, Chief Magistrate Flavia Nabakooza today convicted ex-football manager, Chris Mubiru, of forceful sodomy, but acquitted him of sex with another male because that was consensual.

Chris Mubiru: guilty of gay rape, not guilty of consensual gay sex.

Chris Mubiru: guilty of gay rape, not guilty of consensual gay sex

Hasty commentators seem to have missed the significance of Magistrate Nabakooza’s ruling and have rushed to condemn it.

They should step back and think through the verdict’s overall import.

You might recall that Chris Mubiru was/is the football manager whose filmed sex acts with boys  surfaced on the front pages of the tabloid press. He fled the country to Britain but then returned a couple of months later to face trial for his alleged crimes.

In today’s landmark ruling, Chris Mubiru was convicted of having drugged a one Emmanuel Nyanzi and then having forceful sex with him. But he was acquitted of a second charge of sex with George Oundo on the grounds that the sex with Oundo was consensual.

The judge thus made a distinction between consensual and non-consensual sodomy which is critical to be made.

This ruling should be applauded for the forward-looking precedent it sets.

Mubiru is apparently going to appeal the ruling and that is his right. But care needs to be taken by commentators not to get carried away too much by the misleading headlines.

Mubiru was NOT convicted of sodomy; he was convicted of the “forceful” sodomy (rape) of Nyanzi and acquitted of consensual homo-sodomy with Oundo.

Monitor Newspaper report

Monitor Newspaper report

Chief Magistrate Nabakooza has made a most critical and timely distinction and her ruling is nothing if not welcome.

UNAA Elects Monday Atigo 2015/17 president 3

Monday Atigo

Monday Atigo

As the dust settles on UNAA and UNAA Causes’ competing events (see yours truly’s overview of these Ugandan organizations’ ugly clash here), it has emerged that UNAA has elected a new president. He is called Monday Atigo and he replaces Brian Kwesiga whom he has been deputy to for the last two years.

From the luxury of distance, it seems right to presume to write Mr. Atigo an open letter.

Dear Mr. Atigo:

Congratulations on your ascendancy to the top leadership of UNAA, an organization that we all must admit has done immensely well in the past 27 years to bring together Diasporan Ugandans of all tribes and hues in one place for three days.

The disagreements notwithstanding, it is a good thing that UNAA has a new leader if only because it helps bring a new face and, hopefully, perspective to the proceedings.

With that in mind, it is close to the bone to say it but unless it is addressed, UNAA’s future risks being engulfed by the past at a time when it has a chance to wipe the slate clean and move forward as a united organization.


First off, your predecessor’s stewardship of UNAA has been an unmitigated disaster. Brian Kwesiga presided over  the most caustic and ruinous atmosphere around the organization that anyone has seen in 27 years. The eventual splitting of the organization into two was the final nail in the coffin of what can only be reasonably viewed as an abject failure of leadership.

While the renting asunder of the organization can be placed at all sorts of doors, the fish rots from the head and so Mr. Kwesiga must take full responsibility for the management fiasco that he has handed you to clean up. If his term of office were a fish, Mr. Kwesiga should wish to throw it back if he were honest enough with himself.

Way forward

Your first and most critical job is to reunite the organization. The issues dividing UNAA and UNAA Causes are not that great if personal egos are set aside and a constructive eye is cast over what makes UNAA great which is Ugandans coming together as one. You don’t have a lot of time to fashion a reconciliation because, of course, you also have to start looking at organizing UNAA 2016 before you send out your acceptance message. The bottom line, however, is that you cannot ever claim to have been successful as president of UNAA if September 2016 comes around and the two organizations are not one again, singing from the same hymn sheet. Reunifying UNAA must therefore be your be-all-end-all initial assignment.


UNAA Causes has happened, charging less for more, in very expensive New York City. How they have managed to do it is worth looking at as the perennial complaints from attendees have been about lack of fiscal transparency. One has no evidence one way or the other, but if UNAA Causes hosted San Diego at the drop of a hat in 2014, with about 400 attendees and came away with no reported debt, it stands to reason that this convention can be hosted successfully and money left over for developmental and/or charitable causes when it is a unified movement of 1000+ people, doesn’t it?


While politics is part and parcel of any organization, UNAA seems to have veered to the extreme of soliciting funding from the Government of Uganda and turning a part of the proceedings into a hustings for Ugandan politicians. With Diaspora Ugandans supporting the Ugandan economy to the tune of more than $500m annually, it’s rather clear who needs who more. It thus beggars the question why UNAA should ask for or accept a single cent from a government that cannot put medicines in hospitals or pay teachers a decent salary.

Ugandan politicians must thus not be invited to an event they need more than it needs them. If they wish, they should pay their way, and attend like anyone else without being given top billing or preferential treatment.

Finally Mr. Monday Atigo:

We accept that you have inherited a mess. You, however, have accepted the poisoned chalice and must now show that you are capable of drinking from it and staying alive. Humbling yourself, listening more than you talk, going the extra mile to compromise, refusing to accept failure, and smiling along the entire way may not come amiss.

Oh, and get yourself a Twitter account. It seems utterly remiss for any leader not to have one in 2015.

Good luck.

UNAA vs UNAA Causes 2

Something curious is unfolding in the United States of America that is as Ugandan as they come.

The Ugandan North American Association (UNAA), a group set up by Diaspora Ugandans in the United States to meet, greet, network, gain erudition and have fun (not necessarily in that order) is having its annual gathering in two weeks.

UNAA 2015 has invited corporate bigwigs to an

UNAA 2015 has invited corporate bigwigs to an “investment round table.” The seriousness implied therein has been rare in the past.

UNAA has ran annually for 27 years now. Yours truly flew in from London, England, and attended it in 1994 in Los Angeles. I attended it again in Washington, DC, in 2010. While all sorts of skulduggery and infighting have been par for the course, there is no denying that UNAA has repeatedly scored resounding success in bringing together Ugandans of all hues, often from different continents, in one place for three days and nights of fun and frolicking.

This year, however,  is rather different. In a fortnight, UNAA is hosting its annual  event in New Orleans, Louisiana, September 4-6. On exactly the same days it is hosting a similar event 1,300 miles away in New York City.

How has UNAA managed such a feat?

It hasn’t!

UNAA Causes has booked literally every prominent Ugandan entertainer - for a three-day event.

UNAA Causes has booked literally every prominent Ugandan entertainer for a three-day event.

A couple of years ago, internecine squabbling over money and management issues among the UNAA executives escalated so badly that a section of them opted to break away and form their own group which they named UNAA Causes. The publicly acrimonious split was so close to UNAA 2014 that there was no time to try to reconcile the two sides or paper over their differences. So, the breakaway group found an alternative venue for their celebration in San Diego, only yards from the UNAA event. It was an embarrassing development which both sides did their best to gloss over.

So far so Ugandan.

This year UNAA and UNAA Causes have had plenty of time to work on cementing their differences and they are now counting down to September 4th to find out who has gotten the biggest numbers to their respective jamborees.

UNAA gatherings have in the past been nothing more than three days and nights of inebriated shenanigans. If you don’t have a head for quaffing mighty amounts of alcohol until the wee hours, are not terribly into gossiping till your mind is emptied, aren’t too interested in carrying your entire closet with you to impress onlookers with hourly outfit changes, and aren’t of sound limbs to dance until you are thrown off the dance floor by exhausted hotel staff, you might find UNAA gatherings a challenge.

UNAA will also have entertainers flown in from Uganda

UNAA will also have some entertainers flown in from Uganda

Which perhaps might explain why UNAA has attempted to highlight their highbrow, but more low-key, business round table concept. They will need all the organization skills they can muster to make it a success if the miserably attended forums of yonder years is anything to go by.

On the other hand, UNAA Causes seems to have given up on the pretense that this event is anything other than a chance to get intoxicated and make merry. They have invited at least a dozen Ugandan entertainers for a three-day event. They, too, will need all their organization skills to ensure that attendees don’t stagger away complaining that their favorite artist didn’t get enough time to give them what they came for.

UNAA Causes is also charging less for its event than UNAA despite flying in a football team of entertainers and hosting everyone in very expensive New York City, and throwing in a boat cruise for good measure. How they have managed to do that is an interesting question since past events have been characterized by ugly wrangles over money. Does this event raise more money, after expenses, than the organizers have let on in the past? If so, what has happened to the sums left over?

When the dust settles, we shall no doubt hear about how the  two events unfolded because we always do. Right now, one can only spare a thought for how anyone who hasn’t yet decided which event to attend will be persuaded.

It’s a divisive, unhealthy set of affairs but when have Ugandan events ever been any different?

White Jonny comes to the rescue of poor blacks 1

Jonny von Wallström, who calls himself a “self shooting director, human rights advocate, farmer and world exploring artist living in Sweden” has penned a deliberate tear jerker for the Huffington post, ostensibly showing Uganda as “one of the most transphobic places in the world.”

Really? In comparison to what other countries?

America where the transgender phenomenon is now being treated as a novelty, thanks to the public transformation of a white reality television personality even though black transgender men and women have been getting the short end of the stick for eons?  Or South Africa where gay marriage was enshrined in law well before it was in Sweden and Norway? Australia perhaps?

Is Mr. Wallström perhaps making the mistaken assumption that having LGBTI-friendly laws on the statutes translates into public understanding and embracing of transgender people?

Would Mr Wallström thus call South Africa more transgender friendly than Uganda simply because they have laws on their books that favor LGBTI even if there is more evidence there of violence against LGBTI than anything he can provide evidence for in Uganda?

If not, what standard is the writer using to tar Uganda with his scarlet letter, one trans person’s experience?

What if I told him that it is equally unsettling for most people in every country in the world to understand the trans phenomenon and that, therefore, education is the key everywhere, not just in Uganda?

Mr. Wallström:

You will not be able to count off on your fingers countries in the world where treatment of trans people is different from what you describe in your piece.

Is the treatment wrong? Yes. Unique to Uganda? No.

You will also find that it actually makes better sense to let us black Africans tell these stories ourselves. It might surprise some but we are educated enough to tell the world about our plight.

For a sample, check out a nascent but very good idea that likely would have made a more authentic case for this story – Kuchu Times.  It is written by black LGBTI Ugandans, for LGBTI Ugandans, with a Ugandan LGBTI perspective. I am sure you will accept that they are not doing a bad job at all.

Please keep that in mind next time you sojourn into an African country to seek tear-jerking stories to make your own.

Red Pepper gives gays front page erotica

As all my fans know, I don’t make political comments whatsoever. Indeed, I am not going to start today, given that there is so much more to life.

That said, a little picture has caught my attention as I was busy minding my own business, getting over the hangover of last week when I attended a high end gay party in the heart of Kampala.

Red Pepper joins Amama Mbabazi and Yoweri Museveni in support of the gays

Sex on the Red pepper.:Which is the hottest, fairest couple of the three?

What consummate timing on the part of the Red Pepper!

Horny and bereft of a comforting male paramour, you can imagine my excitement when I saw naked male hotness on the cover of Uganda’s infamous tabloid, the Red Pepper. Taking a closer look, it became clear that they were images of loving men lifted from American websites, not Ugandan, but I wasn’t going to be fazed by this. After all, a man is a man is a man to a sexually starved man.

So, I took it in my stride and carefully checked out each of the images – slowly, and deliberately. I settled on the top picture as the one to get me off because it was plainly obvious it depicted the most sensuous man-on-man loving – a sight for my lovelorn sore eyes. It was a close call because even the middle picture is an ‘aah’ moment but I wanted a little more than mere contentment, given that I haven’t had any man-2-man satisfaction in goodness knows how long. So, I settled for the more erotic top picture for my kicks.

Now, fully uplifted from my erstwhile desperation for same-sex fulfillment, I can get back to the equally serious business of earning a living.

See what I told you unbelievers?

Uganda is really not a bad place at all to be gay. If you still doubt this, show me any country where you can be fed gay porn on the front pages at 11am in the morning, as you sip your cappuccino, with the full blessing of a government detractors call homophobic.

Thank you Red Pepper for providing an avenue for this desperado to get his sexual kicks in the middle of the working day.

Print away dears, print away!

The Pout that launched a thousand ships 2

Pout 4This is going to be a totally, 100%, edifying post so make sure you pay close attention.

I am friends with a Kenyan man I have never met in person.

Scratch that.

I am besotted with a Kenyan man I have never met.

Scratch that, too; that is Eric Mawira Gitari.

Pout 3It was intoxication at first sight, as I am sure it is with anyone with a scintilla of ability to spot perfection out of a crowd.

Tom Cruise is renowned to have made a tonne of money on account of his surgeon-assisted Colgate smile. Angelina Jolie still makes waves simply by letting her lips arrive in a room well before she does, conjuring all sorts of ungodly thoughts in those so inclined. In fact it is absolutely true, and is usually obvious, that Hollywood plastic surgeons are making a mint out of figuring and disfiguring the lips of starlets, wannabe stars, faded and never-will-be movie stars.

So, this is not at all about the lips as those are a dime a dozen all over Africa where full lips were invented before God moved on to Europe.

This is about … drum roll please … The pout.

I am mesmerized by, infatuated with the pout of a Kenyan man I have never met. His lips, too, could raise enough money to pay off three African countries’ foreign debt if he put them up for auction, but that would be too easy.

Move over Miranda

Move over Miranda

This is specifically about this Kenyan Man’s (let’s refer to him as The Pout for a moment, shall we?) ability to have women and the discerning male go weak at the knees simply by keeping his mouth closed.

If one were to quibble, The Pout is a man you won’t care as much to see smiling because that is nothing compared to when he purses his lips in orgasm-inducing diva sullenness.  To put it in perspective, the ultra fashion ice queen, the frighteningly uncompromising Miranda Priestly of The Devil Wears Prada fame, has nothing on The Pout. 

Had The Pout lived in ancient Greece, this is what would have been written about him:

In Greek mythology, Kenyan Man had the most beautiful pout in the world. Suitors came from all over Greece, hoping to win the man with the incomparable pout. Many were powerful leaders.

Paris, a prince of Troy, traveled to Sparta on the advice of the goddess Aphrodite*. She had promised him the most beautiful pout in the world after he Paris declared that he wanted the “fairest” of them all. When Paris saw The Pout, he knew that Aphrodite had kept her promise. While Menelaus was away in Crete, Paris took The Pout back to Troy. Some stories say The Pout went willingly, seduced by Paris’s charms. Others claim that Paris kidnapped him and took him by force.

When Menelaus returned home and discovered The Pout gone, he called on the leaders of Greece, who had sworn to support him if necessary. The Greeks organized a great expedition and set sail for Troy. Their arrival at Troy marked the beginning of the Trojan War.

Yes, my good friends.

Pout 6Had Kenyan Man lived in Grecian times, we would now be referring to him as The Pout that launched a thousand ships. Poor Helen of Troy would have had to scramble around  for a different description!

And knowing that he existed only in Greek mythology would help me contain my hopeless, utterly unrestrained, pining to be enveloped in the aura of his distracting, intoxicating … pout.


I attended a high class gay party in Uganda last week! 7

Yours truly attended a classy Gay Pride affair last Wednesday evening on a roof top in the heart of Kampala. About 100 people, give or take a few, attended.

This event is important to put on the record because, as everyone knows, gay events in their nascent stages have traditionally been down-market affairs characterized by threadbare organization in sleazy venues and a lack of purpose, yes even in the developed world. The reason for this has been that being gay has been and continues to be treated by those who don’t know any better as dirty and of pariah status, leaving anyone wishing to put on anything decent unable to find a willing venue to host it even if they could raise the money.

Well, this event happened in Uganda, in Kampala, of course with the full awareness of the government authorities since nothing like that can happen without the state’s tacit approval. In attendance on this beautiful night were diplomats, local and foreign activists, medical experts, volunteers, well-wishers and, of course, such luminaries as yours truly.

The wine and beers flowed, sensible conversation ensued and you had to pinch yourself if you heard anyone say ‘low class’ about anything at this gig. There really was nothing low-class about it. Most importantly, it was an opportunity for those who write the checks, civil society and the foot soldiers who pound the pavements to mingle and network. Yours truly got two important phone numbers that he will soon follow up on …

The gay movement in Uganda is taking advantage of lessons learned in battles and skirmishes elsewhere to ably punch above its weight – with a little help from its friends. This is not a bad thing at all because one uses whatever clout one can muster. It is mostly embarrassing to quote that man but it was President George W. Bush who once said that if you’ve got the power, use it. In this case yours truly agrees with him if only because to do so at this time helps the LGBT movement in Uganda skip stages of struggle worth decades. Think of how long it took from when the first shot was fired for Gay Pride to be celebrated in America and you will understand what I mean.

Yours truly remains disinclined towards pride parades as they seem like too much of a cut and paste initiative. But that’s not to say they shouldn’t happen or that they serve no purpose. But this wasn’t about me at all was it?

It was about the classy, dressy, chi-chi, LGBT cocktail party that I attended ‘smack down’ in the heart of Uganda’s capital city, with the full knowledge of the security services, courtesy of the gay movement in Uganda!

Hmm …

The Solution to Uganda’s (Africa’s?) Democratic Deficit

Political commentators are tiptoeing around the solution to the democratic deficit in Uganda and most of sub-Saharan Africa – understandably so since it is politically incorrect to admit what needs to be done.

Until a person is informed well enough, it is dangerous to give him/her responsibility for anyone else, much less him/herself. It is why parents are expected to look after their children in the home till the age of 18 or so. Kids are kids and their parents must make decisions for them, only gradually relenting as their charges grow older, else you have bedlam in the household.

So it must be with the African voting masses. It is, for instance, incongruous that someone as knowledgeable, educated, well-traveled and intelligent as me has his leaders chosen by illiterate, uniformed, non-tax-paying rural dwellers simply because they make up 70% of the voting bloc. But that 70% is all Uganda’s cynical politicians have to appeal to with a bar of soap, a poorly constructed dirt road, pretense at education in the form of Universal Primary Education (a potentially freeing but poorly executed, half-baked education initiative in Uganda that provides unsound education for everyone who uses it) and a catchy jingle via text messaging.

Please note that my rant excludes rural dwellers that make a decent living from farming etc, and pay taxes.

City and town dwellers, blue-collar, middle and upper class people (20-30% of Uganda’s voting population) pay the nation’s taxes and so we should be the ones to choose who the leader of the country is. Villagers spend on average barely 1/10 of 1% of what we do on anything, meaning that even their consumption levels are inconsequential to Uganda’s economy. In addition, villagers usually depend on us for their own sustenance through the remittances we send them because their subsistence maize crop has failed, their 10th kid’s dysentery is playing up, or the 35-year-old son who’s never put in a decent day’s work in his life is days away from the grave due to his chronic alcoholism.

The 70% are thus comparatively irrelevant to the productive sector of Uganda’s economy. Yet they hold the numerical advantage, and their ignorance makes them easy targets to manipulate by tired, cynical, corrupt, megalomaniacal politicians, and so they continue voting back in miscreants and incompetents on account of receiving a tin of paraffin and a tawdry tee-shirt with a politician’s mug shot on it.

It is an utter disgrace that my informed intellect and tax-paying clout is deemed to be at par at the ballot box with the parasitic masses who contribute nothing to the national coffers. Until all Ugandans are educated to the level that makes them informed enough, people like me should be given the vote to decide who the country’s president and parliamentarians should be. That would leave the masses with plenty of time to choose their village representatives (RDCs, LCIs etc) because those work at the level these people understand. Whoever wants to be able to vote at a higher level must get informed, get a trade and pay taxes.