Love trouble? Keep your mouth shut!!

Nene Leakes

You know people have grown up when they start giving others good, sensible relationship advice.

Nene Leakes, she of Desperate Wives of Atlanta (is that the name of the show?) fame, is one such woman who recently showed that somewhere within her she knows the mature thing to do.

Money quote when Leakes was asked what Evelyn Lozada, who married Chad Johnson, had him arrested five weeks later for domestic abuse, and then filed for divorce immediately thereafter, should do:

“I wanted to reach out to her, but I didn’t. I feel like when people are going through something I’m confused about whether I should say something or not, because so many people are saying stuff to them. .. The only advice I would have for Evelyn is to be quiet. I wouldn’t say anything else. To me, it makes matters worse and I would be quiet and try to it handle privately.”

Amen, Amen, Amen. Leakes is not terribly good at taking her own advice, given that she has discussed her love life in front of the cameras for a living over the last few years, but she actually knows the right thing to do in such situations.

There is simply no better advice when love goes sour. Keep your mouth shut and deal with things in private. Do not talk to your sorority friends, do not talk to your hairdresser, do not talk to your office girlfriends around the water cooler, do not post anything about it on Facebook (not even cryptically) and, most definitely, do not talk to the press.

Childish gestures: Chad Johnson/Chris Brown

On to that, one should add … don’t tattoo his or her face on your belonging to try to prove that you are still in love with that person. That sort of thing is juvenile and foolish and only a woman or man of low self-regard will fall for it.

Speaking of tattoos, I have advice for our young men and women out there. In our day (there he goes again) it was not classy to air one’s dirty love linen in public. That meant you did whatever you could to keep your private business at home. Come to think of it, that’s why it was almost unheard of for anyone to marry another and then divorce them within days. Even when you fought, it was behind closed doors. You simply invested in dark sunglasses and layers of makeup to hide the battle scars.

… the one thing you must NEVER do is go blabbering about it. Keep your mouth shut if you have to do it with safety pins. Do not breathe a word of your feelings to anyone until you have given yourself time to internalize what it all means to you.In the heat of the moment, you will likely respond without thinking and that is the worst thing you can do when you are faced with such a situation. Don’t talk to anyone until you have thought things through thoroughly. If that takes weeks, so be it.

The reason for that was simple: love is a complicated phenomenon that few people have total control over. As Rihanna now knows, to her cost, you don’t stop loving someone because he has beaten you to a pulp. But we live in a world where public opinion can make or break your heart so you have to make sure that you keep it as far as you can from your relationship.

Yes, that means not tattooing your lover’s face on your leg or neck.

Goodness, why are such simple things so difficult for our young people to understand? How have they been raised?  The better question perhaps should be: who is raising these kids?

Related article

1. What to do when you confirm that your partner is cheating
2. Rihanna 1 – Chris Brown 3

My wife says I am not big enough

My wife hates my shortcomings

Samantha dealt with it in her inimitable Sex And The City way. When faced with yet another session of therapy with her ‘true love’ because he has a shortcoming (forgive the pun) that she can’t put up with, she chooses the road less traveled; that of honesty.

“Your dick is too small” Samantha blurts it out. Ouch!!

It is, however, the therapist’s response that steals the scene when Samantha justifies her need for a big dick: “I hear that.” the therapist quips. Ouch, again!

Christopher Church (see tweet above) seems to have married a woman who didn’t have Samantha Jones‘ guts at a time when it mattered most: before she married him. In his response, Chad Ochocinco (now, what is the world coming to when Chad Johnson aka Ochocinco is being asked for relationship advice?) shows that he is not as dumb as he might look to some:

Too late to do anything about a small dick?

And that, in my view, is the only reasonable answer to someone who is at the wrong end of this short question. If your partner is not happy with what God gave you between your legs, they have better say it or walk away from it before they marry you. Yes, we hear about all sorts of ridiculous processes that enlarge penises for ten minutes and operations that pump fat into them. If he might want to go down that route, that, too, should be discussed before you walk down the aisle.

The idea that you marry someone and then start complaining about the size of his dick is, unfortunately, very common. But the response can only be the same: why did you marry him when you already knew that there was a ‘small’ problem that would forever loom large for you?

Related articles

• The Wisdom of Samantha Jones [Photos] (collegecandy.com)
• Chad Ochocinco Is Going Back To Johnson, Pause. (thesource.com)
• Dirty Martini…Dirty Bastard (thatgirlnamednaima.wordpress.com)
• Does size really matter?

Saying it with a splash of color 1

Big-mouth gossip: Perez Hilton

You have heard the cliches about gay men wearing pink and all sorts of other flamboyant colors. For the most part one can ignore them because they are bandied about by people with hackneyed ideas about what being gay is. That said, even though those who throw them out there don’t know it, there is an element of truth to the color theory.

The quintessential color smorgasbord; Liberace

And the theory is that if a man can carry off some of the more outlandish colors you see out there, chances are they are gay. So, it is not twinning pink and canary yellow that makes for a gay picture; it is actually carrying the look off.

Elton John

First, let’s make it clear. Gay men are more flamboyant than straight men. No, not all gay men are comfortable wearing a rainbow of colors and then longing for those that they couldn’t include. But it is usually people of an outgoing, flowery, expressive disposition that are usually confident letting their clothing make a big statement. And those men are more likely to be gay than straight because, yes, we gay men are better at letting our inner diva-ness be expressed in our attire.

No, not red; baked electric vermillion

My theory is that even those gay men who dress down or keep it subdued in public just don’t have the gumption to splash color into their closet – if they can afford it. So, even if it is to caricature gay men, it is safe to say that gay men and ROYGBIV (red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet) ensembles go hand in hand for the simple reason that we have the natural flair to carry them off a la Elton John.

Pushing the envelope: Omarion in canary yellow pants

Again, this is not to say that everyone (gay or straight) who wears what some might call ‘loud’ ensembles necessary looks fantastic. Gay men, however, tend to be more comfortable in hot colors whether they have put their best sartorial foot forward or not.

Here are a series of images showing one of my favorite American sportsmen, Chad Johnson (Ochocinco). I have no idea whether Johnson is gay or not. But he certainly carries his colors with the aplomb of a gay man. So, if he is not gay, he certainly knows how to look good in colors that would give most straight men peptic ulcers just seeing them in their closets:

Chad Johnson

Whether he is wearing casual green and white stripes or a blindingly white tee and pants, paired with fluorescent orange loafers and baseball hat to match, Johnson clearly loves color and knows how to work it. What that says about his sexuality is neither here nor there. If he is straight, Johnson would be one of the very, very few straight men in the whole wide world who is bold enough to walk out looking like a water color painting.

Chad Johnson … and girlfriend

Above is Johnson wearing a cyan/turquoise tee-shirt. It is not clear whether he was on some sort of promotion but notice that the shoe he is holding is the same color This is clearly a man who likes to match things to form a perfect ensemble – a very gay attribute. In the picture on the right, Johnson manages to upstage his girlfriend even though she has clearly pulled out all the stops with her shoes, hair and outfit. Had he donned just the black outfit, he would still have looked like a million dollars. But he then went ahead an accessorized with that electric jacket which totally put the woman in the shade, making her look like a groupie trying to sling her hook with someone famous. Notice the Magnanni croc-embossed velvet loafers (about $300.00 at Neiman Marcus) gracing Johnson’s feet. Those are also shoes that only a seriously dressy man with dainty feet will pull off.

Velvet loafer

When they can afford it, gay men are like women where shoes are concerned. Asking a gay man how many pairs of shoes he has in his closet is as touchy as asking a woman how old she is. The reason for this is that your typical, worldly, gay man will have more shoes than he cares to admit to. AfroGay at one time counted the pairs of shoes he owned and was shocked to find that he was heading towards 70. In a fit of guilt, he proceeded to give most of them away but has to admit that he has since restocked to a level where he again has more shoes than he really needs, some of them costing ludicrous amounts of money for someone not on a Chad Johnson salary.

Deep pink pants? Hm …

Now, the first question I would ask Johnson is “Where on earth did you get the pink pants from?” Afrogay knows he can carry off most colors but, goodness, he must draw the line on hot-pink pants. One suspects that Johnson would have been best advised to leave the brown top in the closet but the pink arm lining makes his point so it can be forgiven that that camel brown top is not working.

Gainsboro gray tee & marching demims

Even when he is sporting a very casual look, Johnson’s sartorial sense is impeccable. Notice how he manages to look glamorous by wearing a difficult color (gray) in the form of a plunging striped dishwater gray/white tee and matching it with ash-gray denims. You really have to feel sorry for this woman he keeps on asking to escort him around. In the picture on the left, she again tries too hard to look glamorous probably because she is standing next to a man who works even his most casual clothes impeccably. Unfortunately for her, she ends up looking like a hooker who forgot her top at home.

And, finally, what would a man with exquisite taste be without donning an indigo jacket to spice up a dull off-the-peg tee?

Pigment indigo jacket, matching sunglasses

Enough said!! My hat off to you Mr. Chad Johnson (Ochocinco). When I grow up, I want to have your exquisite color coordination and dress sense.