A gay PYT asked me this question recently and it occurred to me that this is a difficult one to answer. We are all wired differently and even our wiring can change over time, meaning that our sexual tastes can evolve, regress, progress etc. In matters of sex, it is absolutely possible to teach an old dog new tricks with phenomenal results. So, there is no simple answer to what good sex is.
What I think one can peg down a little more easily is ‘bad sex” and so it is likely best to answer what good sex is by focusing on what makes for bad sex.
1. The wilting willy:
It is obviously bad sex if the engine constantly conks out and you have to work desperately with hand, mouth and Lord knows what else to get it going again. Trust me, when a man is ready, he is ready. There is no need for prayers or turning tricks to rev the engine of a man who is into you. So, if your man’s engine takes hard work to start, ask yourself whether he is really into you. If it wilts at crucial moments during the sex act, his mind is not where it is supposed to be. If it goes flaccid due to physical circumstances that have nothing to do with you, that is sad but you are still not going to get good sex -which is what sex should be; good.
If getting him hard seems to you like far too much hard work, it is. There is something that is not right with that sexual relationship if your man only struggles to half mast, and it is best to try and figure out what the problem is and fix it … if indeed it is fixable.
2. Premature arrival:
I am sure you have experienced it (and if you haven’t, hope that you don’t) … you get all worked up, the juices are flowing, the hands are all over each other and then, within seconds…. aiyee! The premature cum can be pegged down to excessive excitement and once the high octane heat is emitted, things can get elongated and very exciting. The premature ejaculation thus doesn’t worry AfroGay as much as the wilting willy. Better to have someone who is too into you (and can’t control his excitement) than one who isn’t (and can’t get it up without a hope and prayer). The former can be fixed with skillful tricks, but the latter offers … just a limp dick.
3. The pain tripper
Pulls (no, yanks) your nipples, bites your bits hard, very hard; pistol-shot slaps you with abandon, holds you in vice-like arm locks, chokes you, gouges your eyes out … If you are not into that sort of S&M thing, the sex is a very painful experience, and thus not fun at all.
4. The funky groin/crotch
No matter how good a man looks, if there is a funky smell coming from down there when the underwear comes off (eeergh!) it is off-putting. This is of course specially pertinent with our uncut brothers. Should you smell something awful, and find that you are in a situation where a nice supply of soap and water are not handy, put your clothes back on and bolt for the exit. Nothing good is going to come of that encounter if your partner’s dick and/or crotch smells foul. Imagine going down to give him head when you have already smelled his stale fish funk. Yuk!
5. The Saliva Factory
No matter how some men try, they can’t help slurping over their kissing! Kissing is supposed to be nice, sensual and very affirming of love-making. That means saliva has to be kept to a minimum. You don’t want a man who slobbers all over your mouth, you just don’t. And of course saliva cools once it leaves the mouth so it is vital that your man is not oozing excessive mouth fluids onto your body during the sex act. It is a real downer. I won’t even mention the funky breath (pass the sick bucket).
6. The kinky (dirty) talker
Yes, yes, yes, AfroGay knows that some men, especially in the Western world, like to verbalize their sexual feelings in real time. AfroGay, however, thinks that turning the sex act into a talkathon is as affected as it is un-African. We know we are loved, liked, appreciated by feeling or experiencing what others do for us and to us.. Africans don’t talk about love or feelings; they just show them. And that is how we are used to it once the bedroom door closes. Verbalizing how one is feeling at every touch, stroke, thrust doesn’t make for a convincing experience for most of us. Most Africans will thus understand it when Miranda from Sex and the City says that during sex “is one of the few instances … where it is perfectly appropriate — if not preferable — to shut up.”
In fact, manly grunts and ecstatic sighs excepted, a sexual act that has hardly any articulate sound emanating from either partner can make for the most intense and mind-blowing sex. On the whole, AfroGay feels that verbal diarrhea during sex is contrived and is best left for commercial sex workers.
7. Jack rabbit sex
I don’t know if you have seen that scene in Sex and the City with Carrie and the guy she picks up the night before Charlotte’s wedding. He bangs her so frenziedly during sex that the bed posts rattle and the walls shake … while all the while she is hanging on for grim, painful, death. Little wonder that she can hardly walk the morning after.
Gentlemen … sex is supposed to be a body conversation between the partners. Listen to your partner’s body if nothing else. First of all, understand that the butt wasn’t designed to take anything bigger than an enema probe. Inserting anything larger in there thus has to be a work of art.If he wants it gently, you will sense it. When he is ready to be pummeled like there is no tomorrow, his body and/or verbal language will guide you to it. As a rule of thumb, think more in terms of starting with a legato (smooth, even) water or oil drilling and then work your way to the staccato (rapid fire) sewing machine feed dog crescendo if at all your partner’s body tells you that it is okay to go there.
Don’t assume that sex is about tearing into someone and pounding away as though your masculinity depends on it. That sort of thing might look impressive in porn movies but, trust me, not many men like to be treated like a mortar. If a man cannot walk on account of pain incurred during a bout of hard pummeling, the sex was one-sided. If the bodies and minds meet, there is no reason why either partner shouldn’t be able to walk normally after the deed. The only reason why walking should be a problem is if either of you is still giddy with the sexual after-glow, NOT PAIN!
8. The Mercy or ‘Why Not?’Fuck
You are not feeling particularly horny. Or you don’t really like the guy that much. But you still agree to go home with him despite your better judgement. Bad move. The sex will be bland at best and you will feel cheap and dirty afterwards. Chances are you are also likely to struggle with the problem at number 1 if you allow yourself to have sex for the sake of it. Hold out for when you really want to get laid. That way, even if the sex doesn’t live up to your expectations, you can still work yourself into a good ejaculation.
When all is said and done, there are no hard and fast rules about what makes for great sex so it is a highly subjective matter. But if you both can’t wait to do it again, that is the best indication that the sex was/is good.