A couple of days ago, on another forum, three 30+ (including, ahem, yours truly) had this conversation about the frustrations of gay dating in Uganda. The excerpt is edited and the names have been changed to protect the privacy of the discussants. It does, however, give an interesting insight into how the dating world has morphed into a primarily monetary one almost from the moment older man meets younger man.
You are introduced to him for the first time, you like his large, firm, hands, his clean look, his dark mysteriousness, the tight body, the suggestive bulge …. and then he starts lamenting to you his tale of financial woe! Zzzzzzzzz …. That sinking feeling …
AA: It’s unusual if it does not take this turn……this is the normal turn of events in the Uganda I know or sub-Saharan Africa….
Me: t the first meeting? Eh! I don’t get it. How about finding out my other name before you pour out your sob story?
AA: It’s not about you, it’s about them……that’s classic feudal……
Me: Sad, very sad.
TLC: Your sob story! Lmao. A different world indeed from the one I grew in. ” Don’t take anything from a stranger however tantalized you might be” used to lesson numero uno!
Me: You know!! Whatever happened to personal pride, keeping your problems to yourself (and those close to you) and absolutely, utterly, completely never letting total strangers know your dire financial situation? It feels as though I was raised on a completely different planet.
AA: It’s a give me society…not what I can give back……give me, give me……give me………and what are you going to bring for me society? You owe me … for being blessed more than me … again I still will not try to understand … PAY AS U GO …
TLC: Decency/Dignity. Let me initiate the generosity. When demanding and pressure is the ammunition you use to get what you want from me, the fun and romance is gone, which in turn drives me to demand quality, not fun.
Me: I am telling you AA. I could write a sob story of my own about this kind of craven, slimy, selfish begging. In my book, if you don’t give me, and I can’t get it for myself, I move on. In our day, anyway, we got f****d for free because we loved being f****d. The idea that I was going to sleep with a man for money never once entered my head. I guess that is the difference between us and the young men of today.
AA: It’s a sad side of us……it takes a lot of civility..
Me: And you know why I avoid those kinds of boys? When they get to the bedroom, they can’t even get it up and keep it up. So, they weren’t interested in you in the first place – just the money. Aiyee! Unless I want you sexually (even for a mercy f**k) I am going nowhere with you!!!
TLC: Maybe it’s Society that changed so much! Bad Black syndrome, it’s like no free f***s , you pay for it and then maybe love comes! (Is it love for me or love for what you are getting out of me?)!
Are the best things in life free any more?
AA: Maybe we should accept that we are old cows … and pay for it…….why not……better attitude than trying to change anybody….
Me: Love is taking it too far TLC. I am talking about a simple f**k. Why do I have to hear how your mother’s sister can’t afford treatment for her gout in order to get a good dick in? What happened to a simple, uncomplicated, sob-story-free f**k, huh? Yes, love can come later … and then I can listen to your mother’s and grandmother’s ailments … but can’t we fuck without the attendant sob stories? Do these boys know that I could tell them sob stories that would make theirs look like Sunday school?
TLC: Well this Old cow is okay with sex deals and no pretense. Not that I am into commercial sex but I respect honesty, no sob stories. Lol!
Me: Exactly TLC. If it is a financial deal, I get that. I know I shall pay you the going rate at the end of the night. But don’t bore me with tales of your mother’s rickets, and how you need to bring your brother’s wife’s nephew’s dead body back from Tanzania for burial. Eiiish!
AA: A little pride would do the trick…..but since they don’t have the little pride…what do u do?
Me: You listen to the sob story, decide whether the f**k is still worth it and then get it in. Lock up everything in your house if you are taking him there – without pride, he will also not hesitate to lift your valuables. Better still, take him to a guest house, get your dick in and send him on his way with whatever you feel the going rate is.
TLC: A you are cracking me up ! It seems like you’re converted .
AA: You can negotiate on the rate…….
Me: Negotiate? That’s dangerous. What price do you put on his mother’s rickets? Or his grandmother’s lumbe (funeral rites) contribution?
AA: One chicken for the elders….or clan heads……
Me: Ha, Ha, Ha.
AA: It could be a goat, a chicken ……whatever you’re able to work with for the evening……
Me: am inclined to say … depends on how good the sex is. If it ain’t any good … you know … wilting willy, flaccid dick, too much work to get it up … you just pay for transport to the nearest boda boda [motocycle) stage.
AA: And also U R FREE TO SAY NO……..IT DOES NOT HURT…….
Me: True. But we went ahead of ourselves. My problem is not when we get home, it is the financial sob stories when you don’t even know my second name.
AA: By now you know how to say no……and you can easily say…..I don’t want to deal with that at this point ……What is hard there? If they insist……half chicken…….and say good-bye……
Me: I know, AA, I know. But that bulge, the big hands, the tight body, the dick I want … my raging hormones! Do I really have to hear that your mother’s rickets will play up if you don’t get 200K in order for me to get taken care of? LOL.
AA: Honey darling……..they know the trick……..it works with you……again you’re the big boss……You can put a a price tag to your hormones as well darlin …
Me: True. Well, then … listen up you hungry bitches out there. In my day we got f****d for free because we loved it. If your culture tells you to start on me with tales about your broke ass on the first date, move it on. I don’t want to be part of it. If I get to know you a bit better, then I will listen. On the first day we meet? No, No, No!
FOJ: Hehehehehe KIKA………I just love this…I hope they are reading this!!!! Small Kampala Boys!!!!!
TLC: Anyway I can give. I’ve given before. But don’t torment me with your miserable life’s tales! Its a total turn off. I don’t want to know that my catch is a riffraff , gutter resident! Let me delude myself at least in the beginning that am with someone worth the attention. Just like a lady friend of mine told how a guy was asking her for a phone , rent money, money to promote his music career before she even had an orgasm !
Me: Lolest!!! You have summarized it perfectly TLC. Hope they are reading it.
AA: Come to me all ye financially stricken…. I will quench your thirst…..