If you are going to eat a frog … 7

Kerry Rhodes’ Beyonce wannabe has outed him to the press

I first posted this in 2010 (from another website) and it has become relevant again recently, thanks to an American football player’s unfortunate choice of male companion. Kerry Rhodes’ current gay travails are splashed over MediaTakeout.com and he needs to just come to terms with his situation now that his date of yonder times has made decisions for him.

It just goes to remind you that if you sleep with below stairs riff-raff, they go to the press. I can’t for the life of me understand why Rhodes went for this classless, skinny, twerp (see Skinny Bitch below).  In my day we … oh, never mind ….

Just remember … if you are going to eat a frog, at least choose a fat, juicy one.

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After reading “A Handy Guide to All Gay Men” by Brian Moylan over at Gawker, what stood out to me (obviously) was that I don’t know many Black men like this. Any one of these archetypes can apply to my Black gay brethren, but by and large, in my experience, they do not. So some mischievous friends and I decided to compose a more colorful equivalent to Moylan’s classifications. Your education begins now.

8 Gay Men You Will Meet in Your Lifetime

 

The Skinny Bitch

Skinny Bitch

This strain of Black gay is typically very young (”green”) but quickly rises in popularity in his newfound social circle because of his youth, pliability and quick mastery of shade. His goal is to accrue as many enemies as possible since he’s convinced that having enough people that despise him means he’s “doing something right.” He will spend an entire month’s salary on designer sunglasses because he considers them social currency.
Activities: “Walking”, throwing shade, wearing eyeliner, being penetrated, hogging the camera, starting arguments with strangers, making youtube videos, going to the mall.
Diva of Choice: Beyonce or Rihanna (there is no in-between)
Top or Bottom: Bottom.

 

The Homo Thug

Homo thug

The Homo Thug’s days are numbered since this is a group that usually patterns itself after trends in Hip-Hop, and the thug image is slowly fading. However, this image is still a selling point in gay porn and a popular refuge for closeted men. He usually has archaic notions about Black male sexuality and equates “thug” with masculinity. He is disrespectful, self-hating, and needs to pull his pants up.
Activities: Hiding, lying, saying “I don’t do that gay shit”, smoking weed, being ignorant, having kids, having a limited vocabulary, not returning calls, breaking hearts.
Diva of Choice: Lil’ Wayne
Top or Bottom: Outdoor Top/Indoor Bottom

 

 The Big Boy

The Big Boy

These teddy bears are sweet, loving, warm and always horny. The lines between a good meal and good sex are often so blurred that any conversation involving “meat” will simply have to be taken in stride. He is way more confident than you think he has a right to be, always has a date (because he looks “healthy”), he’s funny, and will give you anything in the world as long as you are consistently fucking his brains out.
Activities: Calling skinny bitches “skinny bitches”, cooking, hugging, making inappropriate double entendres, grabbing.
Diva of Choice: Jennifer Hudson
Top or Bottom: Bottom.

 

The Muscle Queen

The Muscle Queen (Butch Queen/Muscle Mary)

They roll in packs and only date each other. You never see them during the winter months because they are in the gym 24/7. Come summer, he’s wearing the smallest tank-top or the tightest t-shirt. Don’t bother lusting after him, because you do not exist in his world.
Activities: Making fun of fat people, lifting weights, talking about lifting weights, accusing skinny people of being sick, dating white guys, bumping into people, being penetrated.
Diva of Choice: Creatine.
Top or Bottom: Power Bottom.

 

The Church Queen

The Church Queen

In spite of the Black church’s reputation for homophobia and intolerance, you will find that a number of Black gay men make the church the cornerstone of their social interaction, perhaps out of a sense of familial or religious obligation, or simply because the choir is so fierce. The Church Queen is usually loyal and loving, but is prone to Tourette-like outbursts of “Jee-suss!!” in any given situation. He listens to gospel music constantly and considers Loretta Divine his spirit animal.
Activities: Cooking, talking loud, clutching his pearls, singing, being called “mother”, being single, speaking with a southern twang even though he’s from the midwest or the northeast.
Diva of Choice: Karen Clark Sheard
Top or Bottom: Sanctified Bottom.

The Uppity Snob

 

Uppity Snob

He is educated, has a six-figure salary, a nice car and a big house, but nothing is good enough for him. He will throw dinner parties with his Coven Of The Articulate and they will all wear hard-soled shoes regardless of the season, time of day or theme. When he’s among other types of gays, he will roll his eyes, sneer, or attempt to oppress them intellectually. In spite of all his accomplishments, he’ll never be happy, can’t take a joke and never laughs. He can usually be found in the club wearing a blazer and sipping a cocktail against the wall.

Activities: Debating, sighing, having a small penis, having furniture delivered, going to the spa, being offended, finding excuses to use any word that requires a schwa.
Diva of Choice: Whitney Houston
Top or Bottom: Bottom.

The Alterna-Queen

 

Alterna Queen

He doesn’t like the “gay scene” because he finds it “too mainstream.” You can find him a coffee shop with his MacBook Pro listening to underground Soul or Hip-Hop, writing poetry and waiting for someone with whom he can debate the oppression of goats and librarians. He often accuses people of “not getting” him and reactively dislikes anything that everyone else likes. He’s basically “The Uppity Snob” but with dreadlocks.
Activities: Poetry slams, debating, having his locks re-twisted, blogging, shopping at outdoor markets, calling himself a photographer, quoting Marcus Garvey, dating white men.
Diva of Choice: Some bitch you never heard of.
Top or Bottom: Top for white guys, otherwise bottom.

The Old Queen

 

The Old Queen

The Old Queen has seen everything and done everyone. He thinks you’re frivolous and that you stole everything from his generation. He will say things like “in my day, the men were men” and “remember when House music was House music?” He is short of patience and doesn’t want to hear your whining.
Activities: Knowing everything. Remembering everything.
Diva of Choice: Stephanie Mills, Teena Marie, Chaka Khan or Luther Vandross.
Top or Bottom: Like it even matters.

Related articles

• BOSSIP Exclusive: NFL Star Kerry Rhodes’ Gay Lover Exposes Secret Relationship “We Had The Best Sex And Life” [Photos/Video] (bossip.com)
• NFL players knew teammate was gay, didn’t care (cbssports.com)

Is it him or is it not?

You know yours truly is not one to gossip. But he couldn’t pass up on a juicy story making waves on the internet about a very pretty reggaeton and hip hop musician who goes by the name of Daddy Yankee.

Below is a picture purportedly of him kissing another man.

It’s definitely Daddy Yankee (real name Ramón Luis Ayala Rodríguez) in left picture

Puerto Rican Daddy Yankee (26) has denied being gay but it is not clear to me whether he is also denying being in the lip-lock picture. His fans are mostly saying the picture is fake and/or Photoshopped. I am inclined to agree with both Daddy Yankee and his fans. After all, why would they lie to us?

The timing couldn’t be more curious as only a few days ago aging rapper Snoop Dogg is reported to have averred that ‘gay and rap’ don’t mix.

Hm …

Related articles

• Daddy Yankee Comes Out Of The Closet And Then Quickly Goes Back In (queerty.com)
• Daddy Yankee’s publicist refutes gay rumors, blames online outlet (miamiherald.com)

Oops! Virgil Cannon (aka Bam) gets a shellacking

Virgil Cannon (aka Bam aka Mr. Biggz)

And now for some unedifying gossip.

Porn star Virgil Cannon (I am sure I have seen him in gay porn movies, but it seems he also does straight porn) has annoyed someone so much so that nasty stuff about him has been posted on Craigslist.

Below is the verbatim vituperative:

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From Craigslist:

Mr. Biggz: “Lowest Piece of Shit I Have Ever Encountered”

“The post is to warn everyone out there that Virgil Cannon, the black adult film actor who does gay adult films under the name of BAM and who does straight porno under the name of Mr. Biggz is a low life, piece of shit thief. He was at my house this past Saturday night and after I feel asleep watching movies, went into my bedroom rummaged through my drawers and stole $3000.00 in AIDSWALK donations that I worked my ass off collecting and was ready to turn in the next day at the AIDSWALK and snuck out in the middle of the night under the cover of darkness.

Over the years I have known him, he never had a fucking dime to his name and mooched food, cigs, clothes, money and other shit every time I saw him, so I have always known he was a loser, I just felt sorry for him. Ripping off people like me who trusted him and invited him into their home and steal money that hard working people have donated to help people suffering from AIDS makes Virgil Cannon aka BAM aka Mr. Biggz the most despicable low class parasite there is.

Virgil Cannon is a far cry from being a Mr. Biggz. The truth is, Virgil Cannon is a small, pathetic human being. He is one of those deadbeat dads who knocks women up and then fails to pay child support, sells his dick like a common whore rather than earn an honest living, puts his fellow adult film actors at risk by having unprotected gay sex with homeless meth addicts, is a pathological liar, and is a complete and utter disgrace not only to his mother.

I hope this warning will save at least one person from being ripped off and scammed by this petty thief and perhaps make you consider boycott watching or purchasing his movies. He is a liar, a thief, a con man and the lowest piece of shit i have ever encountered and should be exposed and locked away from society for a very long time.”

Related articles

• Measure B passed: Adult film actors forced to wear condoms on set (rt.com)

Images – “Eric Green’s penis” makes it to the internet

Is it him? Eric Green is not new to controversy. He recently settled a sodomy case involving a transvestite

I have asked this question once before.

Why do they do it?

Usually, when you are desperate, need attention are down on your luck and feel you have no options left, you take off your clothes and post the pictures on the internet.

Of course, it used to be that famous figures who took off their clothes used to do it in front of professional photographers who took tasteful, artistic pictures of them for posterity. Ex-NFL player, turned actor, Jim Brown, took some of these - obviously posed, quite tasteful if you ask me, and they are still not quite in the “embarrassing” realm 30 years or so later.

Nowadays … it is a whole different ball game, with all you need being a phone camera. So, it seems Eric Green, formerly of the Arizona Cardinals and a number of other gridiron teams, has pictures of his [very impressive] manhood on display in front of the mirror, and in front of our very eyes. This is a family blog so the real deal has had to be smudged out. I have that literary Nobel Prize to think of please.

Nonetheless, I have to wonder aloud … again. If you are already reasonably well remunerated and famous, why would you want to post dick pictures of yourself on the internet?

Greg Oden claimed that he did it because a woman sent him her nude pictures and he felt it wouldn’t be cool not to “reciprocate.” Sounds like a reasonable explanation … except that Greg Oden was better known in America so he had more to lose.

Jamie Foxx … I love Jamie Foxx and … I love the picture of him in the mirror with his dick sticking out.  Still can’t figure out why he didn’t keep it safely, though. Maybe he wanted it to leak …

Maybe …

Enough of this idle speculation. Let’s just enjoy the images of these nice people whenever we can get them, shall we?

Related articles

• Arizona Cardinal’s Eric Green Has An Explained Penis Leakage (insidejamarifox.com)
• Greg Oden’s sad stories (espn.go.com)

And now for some gay gossip

Those of us who grew up watching the Cosby Show will like this one very much if only because it involves a star, a beautiful star from that black family soap that broke almost all records in television show business, one of which was to show black people as wholesome, educated, thoughtful, funny and capable of acting as a family unit.

Then – Olivia; Now – Raven-Simone

According to WDSfm, Raven-Symoné (Olivia in the Cosby Show) is rumored to be gay and the tabloids are apparently going after her to ferret out the truth. Yours truly is not concerned one way or the other if she is gay or now, but finds it exciting that yet another gorgeous, talented, black woman might be lesbian.  Not to put too fine a point on it but … hope springs eternal.

Robin Roberts with (and without) Michele Obama

Raven is not the only one in the tabloids’ cross-hairs. Robin Roberts, the ABC news anchor who snagged the recent interview with Barack Obama in which he came out in support of gay marriage is also rumored to be … a lesbian.

Yet another high achieving black woman is a lesbian? Oh, how one wishes that this were true!

To which I would shout out loud … free at last, free at last, thank God gay men and women are becoming free at last!

Related articles

• Lesbian couple charged with staging hate crime
• Raven Symone Outted by OUT Magazine (lezgetreal.com)

Chris Brown needs to go away

Dumb ass? Chris Brown

I have never cared for Chris Brown in a sexual sense, don’t think he is all that talented and wasn’t impressed even when he took pictures of his dick and had them posted on the internet. He is clearly someone who is seeking attention at whatever cost. Yet some of the things he has said about gay people, likely also in a bid to attract attention to himself, don’t exactly show someone who is terribly intelligent.

So, I think to myself … he is not very talented but has made some money because of being in the right place at a time when any Tom, Dick and Harry can make a buck by singing with the aid of a synthesizer. He is also not very intelligent else why would he think that it makes sense to gloat over the little money he has made? He is narcissistic which is why he thinks it makes sense to use pictures of his dick to sell records. He is also impressionable in an idiotic way which is why he has all those ugly, inartistic, tattoos all over his equally unimpressive body for someone of his age. This is not exactly a person anyone grown-up should take seriously. To quote loosely from Martina Navratilova, if Chris Brown were a fish, I would throw it back.

Anyhow, the gossip has done its rounds and it seems Chris Brown has slept with men in the past despite his negative comments about gays.That would make him a hypocrite on top of everything else. But he is not the first as the drip, drip revelations of recent times illustrate.

Here is an exchange allegedly between this Chris Brown person and some man he is supposed to have been messing around with. It’s puerile so brace yourself if you want to follow up on it. Yes, the exchange can be taken with a pinch of salt but you know what they say about gossip of this nature – where there is smoke, there is fire.

Yawn. I wish someone who make this person go away.

Brown V Rihanna 1

I told you so – in December 2009!

Chris Brown

The gossip on the grapevine is that Rihanna is secretly playing with Chris Brown’s … thin, long …. never mind.

It was only a matter of time. I think even the charges and subsequent court action against Brown wouldn’t have happened if hadn’t been for the media hysteria and Oprah-esque “he will beat you up again” guilt laden headlines that accompanied the couple’s ugly fight on the way to an awards ceremony.

As you mull over the real meaning of domestic violence, understand something. Some people like violent relationships. They get off of being slapped around like rag dolls and find gentle sex a total dross. Don’t ask me why. If I had the answer to that one I would readily volunteer it.

Anyhow, it seems clear that Rihanna likes to be roughed up, and Brown knew exactly how to slap her into sexual ecstasy. Why else would she sing about violent relationships if she didn’t enjoy being beaten to a pulp?

Rihanna/Brown (From Bossip)

The age old adage comes to mind here. When lovers fight, stay out of it. The Rihanna/Brown story would have had them back together the next day hadn’t a prurient press intervened. I bet you everyone who made a stink about Brown being an abusive man is going to choke on humble pie when they start going out together again – publicly – which is what they are preparing their followers for.

This gossip certainly puts perspective into the age old adage of minding one’s business. Unfortunately, the gossip press that makes a living from minding other people’s business is not listening.

The curse of the small dick

Do you know Mr. Cee? Not to worry. AfroGay had heard of him but wouldn’t have picked him out of a lineup until yesterday. His real name is Calvin Labrun. Mr. Cee is a renowned hip hop deejay who has worked with big names in music production. The artists’ names are not relevant at this time.

Mr. Cee was also arrested last week for public lewdness. He was apparently receiving head from a man dressed as a woman. The transvestite man, Lawrence Campbell, has said that Mr. Cee paid him $200 to suck his dick inside of a car. So far so boring. Countless down low (DL) men are paying for sex in such a manner.

But then Campbell drops the clanger … “I am looking at his small penis …”

Mr. Cee

Hm … that is a worthwhile mention in the entire messy story. Mr. Cee is a big man – at least 230lbs much of it excess to what he should really carry. If anyone knows a small dick when he sees one, it is Mr. Lawrence so I believe him when he says that Mr. Cee comes in on the small side. That cannot be an ego booster for our big DJ who must, after all, live on the DL, presumably with an unsuspecting woman. You see, it is one thing for a gay man to have a small dick and honestly look for sex and/or a relationship as an openly gay man. It is quite another for a large, oversize DL man to try and find gay sex while sporting a small dick. Those working boys are not as kind as women tend to be and will read you if you are small. So, it must be that Mr. Cee doesn’t impress in that area.

Mr. Cee has apparently been living with the triple burdens of being gay, on the DL and having a small penis. Now that he has also been arrested for soliciting fellatio in public, one can be forgiven for wondering whether the man can catch a break.

What next for Mr. Cee? Well, predictably, he has denied the entire story which doesn’t help his credibility one bit. The police and the transvestite’s accounts match for the most part so it stands to reason that it is Mr. Cee who is not telling the truth. Obviously, there is nothing he can do about being gay, or his desire to be given head by men. There is also nothing he can do about his small member – it is what it is. There is, however, something he can do about where he gets his sex from and from whom. One would hope that he uses the opportunity the arrest has given him to figure out how to live more honestly with himself.

As with almost all such embarrassing episodes that reveal one’s shortcomings (forgive the pun), the ball is in Mr. Cee’s court.

Related reading:

1. Mr. Cee pleads guilty to prostitution charges

Rumors – Ludacris is gay 5

The gossip mill is circling around Ludacris (real name Christopher Brian Bridges). When it reached AfroGay’s ears that Ludacris is gay, he decided to go looking.

You see, though I had heard of him, I didn’t know what Ludacris looked like or what type of music he plays. I still don’t know who Ludacris is but I am a little more educated about his music because I have You-tubed it.

The music is … how shall I put this delicately? Different? I listened to the Ludacris song called My Chic and I shook my head in bewilderment at how anyone can call such misogynistic and incondite stuff music. But this is about Ludacris, not obscene rap.

As you can see from his pictures Ludacris is pretty, very prety. He is a beautiful, very beautiful man. He needs no make-up whatever to look hot, hot, hot.

In my book, that is a sign of gay, gay, gay.

Another tell-tale is that he lives in Atlanta. I don’t know of any single, pretty men such as Mr. Bridges who live in Atlanta that are not gay. Some jealous girls whine about the ‘waste’ that is Atlanta precisely because every stunningly pretty man in Atlanta is gay. The less charitable people (likely those who have no men of their own) have gone so far as to refer to Atlanta as Faglanta. We gay boys prefer to call it Hotlanta because that city sizzles with homosexual black men.

And Hotlanta is where Ludacris lives. Another giveaway surely.

I stand by my generalizations of many moons ago:

Too delicately pretty and sensitive – … A lot of gay men tend to have the kind of delicate, porcelain features, flawless complexions, magnetically glassy eyes, luscious lips, sensitive temperaments that you either see or sense. Such men are automatically associated with ‘sweetness’ even though they might in reality not be. Though not always a dead giveaway, such men are more often than not gay. 

Ludacris is doing whatever he can to maintain a thuggish ‘nigga’ image as his lyrics about women in sexual acts show, but I think his physical beauty tells you more about him than what comes out of his mouth.

In fact, the crude, sexually explicit lyrics and the man whose mouth they come out of are so diametrically opposed that it is impossible to listen to the disrespectful music and pick Ludacris out from a line-up as the man who sang them. It must be then that, like Trey Songz, Ludacris also is trying too hard not to be gay – in his case by overdoing the macho, thug, ‘you’re my bitch’ ghetto act.

And as the rumors suggest, the act is not really convincing. 

Christopher Brian Bridges (Ludacris)

But, my goodness, is Christopher Brian Bridges beautiful or what? As the Americans say … Damn! This man makes it hard to keep one’s hands where they belong.

Like I do with Colin Jackson, I really, really, really hope Bridges is gay!

Related reading:

1. Ne-Yo tries to prove he’s straight – Again!

Isn’t that "Miracle dad" Cristiano Ronaldo camping it out on the town?

Well, well, well … if this isn’t our very own Cristiano Ronaldo camping it up on the town. And who is that pretty man who looks as ready to ‘eat’ as our Cristiano?

If you are happy and you know, make what you will of the picture above!