Think about what someone feels and, more pertinently, looks like after 30 years of living with another person as a couple. You are literally tied at the hip after 15 years so imagine what you are like after 30.
You are practically the same person. Even if you met at 17, it would mean you are well into middle age thirty years later.
And then you ask for a divorce? What would you expect me to do? Don LBT heels again and start dating afresh? After 30 years of being Mr. and Mrs (or Mr. and Mr.) so and so? Seriously? Imagine the thought of learning to get used to someone else’s bad breath, their unsightly body this and that.
And I am telling you
I’m not going
Even though the rough times are showing
There’s just no way, there’s no way
We’re part of the same place
We’re part of the same time
We both share the same blood
We both have the same mind
No, no, no, no way Im living without you
Im not living without you (Jennifer Holiday)
You resemble each other, and all your pets resemble both of you. You lost track 20 years ago of when you resigned yourself to his terrible habit of gnashing his teeth in his sleep, his snoring like a steam engine, his unsightly nose hairs … and the gray hairs that keep coming relentlessly in all sorts of unexpected (and startling) places. You know each others habits better than your parents’ or siblings, you, you, you …
So, let’s be clear about something:
After 30 years of marriage, with or without children, I am not going anywhere. You are stuck with me whether you like it or not. You can bring the newly minted bastard child home. You can ask the latest hussy you fell for to come home and we share the house. You can introduce the son you had with the house help 14 years ago. You can even reveal that you are sexually attracted to four-legged animals. I will send you to the dogs’ house to live out your fantasies but I shall not leave. Not after 30 years.
Sorry possums. After 30 years he is not divorcing me, and I am most certainly not going anywhere to start life afresh … whatever he wants to do or he has done.
Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman … please get back together immediately. This is just silly.